Back Like I Never Left
Listen. I know I haven’t been active and trust me, it’s been in the back of my mind to get my ass back here. I’m not going to lie… I’ve been living my best life during this past Chicago summer. Writing these blogs made sense when we were all hibernating away from the freezing weather. Once the temperature hit 60+ and the snow was for sure gone, you bet your ass I wasn’t on my computer as much. I was out and about, like y’all should have been too.
Come May of this year I was shakin’ my a$$ in Vegas, San Diego, Arizona, freakin’ Malibu, and obviously Chicago. Between waitressing downtown and giving softball lessons on my own time, I’ve had my fair share of fun this year.
Me after each of these trips…
In the beginning of the year I was “goin’ thru it.” Not saying I’m not goin’ thru it still… (lol)… but I’ve never felt better about the decisions I have made for myself. Let’s unpack it all, shall we?
I still have parosmia. I am still prescribed anxiety medication. I have learned how to handle times when I’m feeling extremely stressed and anxious. I have known that cold Chicago weather puts me in a funk every winter season. This is why I am proud of myself for listening to that reason and making the move to Arizona.
Voice Updates
One thing that has made me feel better in times of stress is picking up the microphone and unpacking where I am at in my life. I get these overwhelming bursts of wanting to express my feelings through the mic to absolutely no one, in hopes that one day these will be heard by anyone that cares, or can find themselves in my shoes. When I do this, it helps me feel grounded and content in the moment no matter where I’m at.
I recorded a snippet today, December 6, and then I listened to the first one I made back in September. The growth I can HEAR between the two is hilarious. I swore a lot in the September snippet so I’m going to leave that for myself but here is an example of a personal update. Lucky you, I learned how to upload them here, lol.
Yeah, there are clearly some grammar errors. I didn’t know I could upload these so I didn’t want to try to re-record this because I wanted it to be genuine.
The point I want to express here is that I am proud that I still kept this sort of voice journaling going even though my initial idea of creating a podcast hasn’t taken off, yet.
I want to go deeper into all the reasons why I shouldn’t have moved to Arizona:
My friends live in Chicago
Most of my family lives in Chicago
I made great money serving downtown
I made great money giving softball lessons
I built my lessons up over three years of coaching, & I would have to start over completely
I have no job in Arizona
Most of my sport management network lives in Chicago
Here are the reasons I thought moving to Arizona was a great idea:
Weather
Experience change, & challenges
My mom & sister moved here
As you can see, the reasons not to move to Arizona definitely outweighed the reasons to move, in the aspect of quantity. I’m not going to sit here and say my mom and sister moving here was the only reason I decided to leave. To be honest that was more of a plus for me. We have FaceTime, & cheap flights. Plus, I’ve lived 12+ hours away from them and made it work before. I didn’t follow my mom and sister out here. I followed the inner drive, craving for change and the new challenges i’d be facing in a new state. I also followed my realization that cold weather affects me negatively and I knew that I could change that.
I hope this pins down my point that if you are ever in the position I was in, whether you are deciding to make a small or huge move, go for the list that seems to be made of more quality decisions instead of the quantity.
HUMBLE ON BUMBLE, BABY
New city, new men, amirite!? Now that I know how to incorporate a little bit of a podcast style into my blogs, I’m critiquing the fine men of bumble right here in Arizona. Let’s see how this goes.
There is one thing I want to clarify after this episode of humble on bumble. Men, I don’t think selfies, where you take a pic of yourself, is ever a good idea for dating websites. I literally couldn’t f*cking tell you why… I just get weirdo, creepy, pervy vibes! ABSOLUTELY NO SOFT SMILES MEN. STOP THAT NONSENSE.
no fish pictures
no car pictures
no continuous group pics
don’t overuse your dog
avoid pics where your friend is hotter
no sunglasses
no filters
don’t overuse emojis
don’t be boring and weird with prompts
no baby photos
The Creative “Spark”
I can’t explain it, but some times certain views, songs, or memories spark the creativeness and desire to write or document something. I’m thankful for these moments because when the spark hits, I feel at my happiest. If I could figure out what controls that, I would probably podcast and write more often. I’m hoping that moving to Arizona was a huge spark that I was needing in my life.
I feel grateful that I don’t care who judges me on the fact that I write on a blog used months at a time. I get overwhelming messages of people who feel inspired to keep writing, being creative, or doing what they love all because of these random blogs I post to the world, right here on the internet.
This is something I choose to do on my own time that brings me joy and happiness. Never let the internet or the fear of being judged stop you from doing things you enjoy doing. Post what you want to post, when you want to post it. If it creates a spark within yourself, that’s huge.
Heres the moment I felt the spark to come home, talk on my mic, and write. It was definitely the view in this case but I missed it with my video, (it was much more pretty & there were more palm trees,) so here’s the best I could do with a thumbnail.
My spark - driving with the windows down in 77 degree weather listening to “Another Day In Paradise” by Quinn XCII
