Thank You, Ex(es)
Last month I slept over at my childhood home located about 40 minutes from where I currently live. I felt this weird desire to feel like a kid again while avoiding all my responsibilities of being a single pet mother of two (please don’t come for me unless you have pets when it comes to this term, by the way.) I made the trip, spent the night in my twin size bed that I grew up in, and woke up around noon. Beautiful.
The next morning my mom went on a “let’s go through this stuff,” type of mood and started bringing out boxes from our crawl space of old clothes, pictures, and memorabilia from her own childhood and my siblings childhood. A lot of the items she held onto were all trash besides some yearbooks, and notes I found.
BOY OH BOY. These “notes” weren’t just “notes.” They were more like deep love letters from different ex boyfriends of mine. Of course I sat there and read some to myself. Wow. It’s crazy to read these types of notes years later. While reading these, it brought me right back to how I felt back in those moments. Not only did I have weird feelings rush back, I continued to think things like…
“well, THAT was bullshit!”
“HA little did YOU know…”
“Oh dear god.”
“oh you LoOoVeE me so much but treated me the way you did & said what you said?”
Then I was like damn, MEN AIN’T SHIT. Haha, just kidding.(?) It is super crazy to think about how each relationship you enter and end shapes you into who you are today, isn’t it?
It’s also insane how we have different relationships with exes post breakup. You might freaking hate each other, you might be in an “unsure phase,” or you might think to yourself “damn, he was a good one.”
Regardless of how it ended, or where i’m at with each of them now, I would like to thank each one of you for making me the person I am today. I can confidently say I am stronger, more definitive with what I want and need, and will no longer ignore gut feelings.
I would also like to point out that I have created an “EX BOX,” where all of my little notes, cards, or pictures are kept of my exes. I can thank Kim Kardashian for normalizing that. I think it’s funny to look back on.
THANKS, EXES. Whether we currently hate each other, are unsure, or you broke my heart, thank you. No matter what, I believe everything happens for a GOOD reason. Ya live, ya learn, ya grow.
EX DO’S & DON’TS
After thinking about how I could dive deeper into this topic, I decided to make a do’s and don’ts list when it comes to dealing with exes. This was manufactured from myself, my friends, and my followers on instagram. It’s interesting to hear different takes on what you should and shouldn’t do after a breakup. Guess what, I preach a lot but does that mean I practice what I preach? HA! Nah, I am definitely guilty of doing more than one of my own “don’ts.”
DO’s
Block them if you can’t stop thinking or creeping on them
Archive insta posts with them
Get rid of their clothes
Delete old pics & videos on your phone
Know your worth
DONT’s
Don’t drunk text or call them
Don’t send a toxic happy birthday text
Don’t talk with their family or friends
Don’t think of the “good times”
Don’t listen to songs that remind you of them
Let’s talk about this list. Block them if you ended it badly, meaning it was a toxic relationship, or there was cheating involved. You can also choose to mute them or block if you find yourself obsessed with decoding everything they post on social media whether its a photo, song on their story, or even if you find yourself stalking a new girl or guy that follows them. Cough, cough, GUILTY.
Delete their number if you find yourself wanting to drunk text/call them. We don’t need that kind of morning scary in our life while checking our phone the next morning and seeing that we lost the upper hand by crumbling and reaching out!
I have a friend, (we will not name names but you know who you are,) who STILL hasn’t archived instas of just them two a year after breaking up. We do NOT need potential new flings creeping your insta to be confused if you’re single or not. Let’s move on together, toots. I love you. :)
Ugh. I still have exes clothes. You get the point though. MOVING ON…
Delete old pics, (not group pics, cause those are still moments,) & videos.
When it comes to the don’ts, let’s just remember we do not want to show any signs of weakness whether that person broke our heart or vice versa. Can you be cordial? Maybe. Can you be best friends? Probably not.
LOL. Okay, here is a direct quote from a friend of mine of something “to do” when it comes to exes that made me laugh out loud because… true.
“Try and keep one of their siblings on Facebook so they can see how hot you are and see who you are dating in case it comes up at the family dinner table”
Why does this make so much sense… Facebook is another BREED! Flex on ‘em with your hot self and your new boo. Love that journey for you.
At the end of the day, don’t make moving on hard. You know what will bring back memories, and hurt yourself if you are doing any of the don’ts listed above.
Stubborn, Single, & Smart
I have learned that I can’t change anyone. Sure, anyone can change themselves for better or for worse, but I spent so much time trying to see certain situations through with certain people. From 2019 going back, I spent damn near a decade in relationships. I currently feel I am in a great place within myself to not need someone. After each relationship ended, I tried finding the next thing to jump into. Looking back, that wasn’t the best decision.
Most of my friends call me stubborn. I definitely am, but it’s because of my exes and my past that has shown me exactly what I need, want, and love within my relationships. Right now, I love being single and figuring out myself. When I’m ready, I’ll be ready. Or maybe I won’t. Who knows?
Sometimes I get this overwhelming feeling I’ll be alone forever because of how much I enjoy time by myself. I tell this to everyone I have this conversation with, but I believe I feel this way because of my dog, Bandit. I have my unconditional love, my cuddle buddy, and someone who doesn’t talk back and loves me for me. LOL.
Look at that face. Seriously though. Is there a love greater than the love you have with your pets? I honestly do not know.
Younger Years & Late Night Thoughts
I had this random thought pop into my head and I thought to myself, “Wow, don’t forget this.” If you are like me, you probably lay in bed and shut off your tv, put your phone on the charger, and say “okay, go to sleep now.” In a perfect world, you would fall asleep. I, on the other hand, don’t do that. I need serious amounts of melatonin in my system to accomplish that.
As I was lying there before bed with all my stress weighing on me of things I need to do, things I want to do, and random thoughts racing through my head, the thought that consumed me for the next half hour was this: “I would kill to remember the thoughts that ran around my brain like this when I was younger.”
THINK ABOUT THAT! How cool would it be if you could remember and feel how you felt as a child to now. When I was six what was my biggest stress? Was I worried that my toy dinosaur would be stolen by my younger brother by the time I woke up? What made me excited? What made me sad? What thoughts did I think that are so preposterous to think about now as a 26 year old? What advice would I have given my younger self in those moments?
I wish I could access those late night feelings and thoughts of the young Jourdan Skirha. I loved being able to read old notes and year book signings between friends and ex boyfriends because that is really the closest thing we have to accomplishing that.
This topic has me thinking that my current stressful late night thoughts aren’t as bad as I make them seem to be. Here I am thinking, “I wish I could’ve told myself when I was stressed in high school about being recruited, that I WOULD be recruited to play ball in college, and the stress I felt in that moment would work itself out in the end.” I know that thought completely consumed me throughout high school. Now, I wish I could remember thoughts from middle school and younger.
The summary of this thought continues to push me to believing that everything happens for a good reason, and life will work itself out no matter the stress you might feel now.
Life Update - The Vig
I know I haven’t posted a blog in over a month. I enjoy blogging because I do it in my free time, and it is all based on my own time. I have been crazy busy, believe it or not, with training for a new serving job in downtown Chicago called The Vig. It’s in Old Town, and it is seriously a GREAT time. I spent days studying for tests, and training on top of coaching softball, so I was a bit tired when not doing so.
At last, I am through training and on to serving on the floor by myself. I’m loving my life within coaching, and jumping back into the hospitality industry. The people at The Vig have been nothing but kind, fun, and helpful to me since I have been there. I am super excited for this summer with them. Also, their carrot cake is FIRE.
Thanks for reading if you got this far, love you all, PEACE.
